An Essential Guide to House Rules When the Adult Kids Move Back

It used to be that kids reaching adulthood could not wait to leave home to be on their own. At the same time, their parents longed for an empty nest and quieter lives. But like homing pigeons, young people are spoiling these plans, proving that life can be difficult in a crowded nest if there are no house rules for adult children. But it doesn’t have to be complicated—actually, it can be quite lovely even peaceful.

According to a June 2020 analysis by Zillow, roughly 2.7 million adults moved back in with their parents due to the COVID-19 pandemic. There are now 32 million adults living with a parent or grandparent, the highest number on record. 

Many American homes have become crowded nests. While parents are asking themselves what went wrong, the “boomerang kids” seem to be adjusting quite nicely. Any why not? Many boomerangs get a boarding house without the rent, a laundromat with no slots for coins, and a mini-storage facility, otherwise known as your garage.

No one doubts that current economic conditions make it nearly impossible for kids to make it out of the nest for good on the first try. That’s fine. Just remember you want to make this a short-term layover. Eventually, you want leaving to be easier than staying. And I’m talking about them, not you.

You first

This house rule for adult children means first in the shower. Your parking spaces are sacrosanct. It means securing your own retirement before you take on their student debt. It means paying off your mortgage before helping with theirs. Remember this: The best gift we can give our children is not to become a burden to them in our sunset years. The way to do that is to take care of yourselves first before helping others.

Financial contribution

Insist that adult children, often called “boomerangs,”  pay rent or make some other form of financial contribution. At the very least, they buy groceries, pay utilities, or pay some specific amount of the mortgage payment. This is, after all, the real world.

• REFERENCE: When Does a Guest Become a Tenant? 

Harmony

Boomerangs have to respect their parents and their rules. Period. Yes, they are adults, but in your house at this time, they are subordinates.

Gainfully employed

If not employed upon entry—also known as income-producing—actively looking for a job must be part of your House Rules.

Temporary

This should be a one-time event with both a start and an end date—not subject to renewal.

Laundry

Resist all temptation to do the boomerang’s laundry. No. Matter. What.

Bills

Boomerangs will undoubtedly arrive with bills. Do not pay these. Do not even think about it. Boomerangs must take full responsibility for all bills and debts, even if that requires a second minimum-wage job.

• MORE: How to Store Potatoes, Adult Children Money Matters, Shrinking Tuna, and More

Transportation

Living privileges should not extend to your car. Nor should you drive said boomerang around the way you did many years ago. Boomerangs are on their own to get around.

Parking

Make it very clear what the parking arrangements are. Boomerangs, by all rights, should park on the street, not occupy the primo garage or driveway space, if that requires the parents to park on the street.

Food

Do not leave this matter undiscussed. While the Crowded Nest Diet (wherein no matter how much you spend on food, it disappears faster than the national surplus) has been known to result in weight loss for the host parents, it does nothing to encourage boomerangs to move along to a better pasture.

Chores

Boomerangs need to be involved in the house. In determining who does what and when, err on the side of being overly detailed and specific.

Contract

Transfer your house rules for adult children to a simple contract that everyone signs. Remember, this is the same kid who was the master at finding loopholes, and not so many years ago.

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