Cheapskate Etiquette: The Art of Polite Penny-Pinching
Living below your means takes creativity, but it’s important to do so without crossing the line into rudeness. Cheapskate etiquette means being frugal with yourself while still being generous with others. Whether you’re splitting the bill or tipping for services—even when using coupons—here’s how to save money without offending anyone. Let’s dive into some common situations where frugality meets politeness.
Face it, living below your means—especially in today’s inflationary times—requires creativity and cleverness. But how far can you stretch a buck before crossing the line between being frugal and being rude? When in doubt, always ask yourself: “Is my choice to be cheap going to harm or insult someone else?” and “Will I leave behind a fragrance or an odor?”
Here’s my best advice: be cheap with yourself, but generous with others. When splitting the cost, always round up. Never freeload in the name of frugality. If you can’t afford to pay your way, don’t go. When it comes to tipping, understanding the basics of tipping etiquette and how much to tip can make a big difference. When in doubt, always err on the side of generosity.
Dining Out the Cheapskate Way
Tipping at a Restaurant
Wondering how much to tip at a restaurant? Pay the tip on the total for food and beverages before tax and before deducting any coupons or gift certificates. It is customary to pay 15 percent for good service.
How to Split the Bill with a Group
When eating out with a group, always ask the server for a separate check before you order. If that’s not possible, position yourself to receive the bill, and calculate exactly what you owe—including tax and a generous tip on your portion. You might say, “I’ll cover my share and leave a tip based on the full amount,” then place your money on the bill and pass it along with a smile.
What to Tip with a Coupon
When using a restaurant discount coupon, calculate your gratuity based on what the full price of the meal would have been, before the discount and tax. For good service, aim for at least 15 percent—it’s the standard. This ensures the server is properly compensated for their service.
Handling Tip Jars
Tip jars, especially at coffee shops, can be awkward. I was at a coffee shop with a complicated order—think “half-caf, soy milk, extra hot.” Feeling a bit guilty, I dropped a dollar in the tip jar and joked with the barista, “Here’s a little something for surviving my coffee chaos!” The barista chuckled and said, “You just made my day!”
Here’s the deal: tipping here is optional, no matter how mandatory it seems. For complex orders, a tip is usually well-deserved. For a simple cup of joe, though, it’s perfectly fine to skip it.
Tipping Etiquette Around the World
When traveling or living abroad, tipping customs can vary. Here’s a quick guide to help you navigate:
- Europe: Service charges often included. In France and Italy, leave a small extra tip if service is exceptional. In the UK, tip 10-15% if not included.
- Asia: In Japan and South Korea, tipping is usually not expected and can be rude. In Thailand and Hong Kong, a 10% tip is appreciated.
- Australia/New Zealand: Tipping is not required but rounding up or leaving a small tip for great service is nice.
- Latin America: Common to tip 10-15% in restaurants. For taxis and other services, rounding up or a small tip is sufficient.
- Middle East: Tip around 10% in restaurants. Small tips for hotel staff and taxis are also customary.
When in doubt, ask a local or check recent travel guides for the latest tipping practices.
When and How Much to Tip for Services
Tipping at a Makeover Counter
Having a free makeover at the cosmetic counter? If you buy a product, no tip is required. But if you don’t, or the artist spends more than 15 minutes with you, a $15 tip is appreciated.
Bellman and Bag Tips
Yes, you should tip the bellman. The going rate is $1 per bag, or $2 if the bags are heavy. Of course, you can always opt to carry your own luggage and skip the tip entirely.
Tipping at the Spa
Yes, you should definitely tip! If you’re using a spa gift certificate, it’s a good idea to check if the gratuity is already included. If it’s not, plan to leave a tip of 10-15% of the treatment’s value, split among the staff who took care of you.
Beautician Tips for Unsatisfactory Service
Even if you’re not thrilled with your haircut or color, it’s still important to leave a tip. Aim for at least 15% of the service fee. If you’re unhappy, speak calmly with your stylist—they can often make adjustments or offer styling tips to improve the result. Remember, tipping is about acknowledging the effort and work put into your service.
The Do’s and Don’ts of Tipping for Home Deliveries
Tipping for Food Delivery
For food deliveries—like pizza or that big takeout order—plan to tip 10-15% of the bill. For smaller deliveries, like pizza, a minimum of $2 to $5 is appropriate, depending on the size and complexity of the delivery (like weather conditions or multiple stops).
What About Furniture or Large Item Delivery?
Tipping for furniture deliveries isn’t the same as tipping food delivery, but it’s still appreciated when the crew goes above and beyond. For small items delivered to a first-floor apartment, $5 is usually sufficient, but for larger, heavier items, a tip of $20 or more is appropriate. If the delivery team assembles your furniture, even if it’s a simple job, consider tipping at least $20. For more challenging deliveries, like navigating multiple flights of stairs or working in extreme weather, plan to tip $20 per person, or more. If the crew provides exceptional service, such as being patient or going the extra mile, an additional tip is well deserved.
From Wedding Gifts to Engagement Rings
Can’t Attend a Bridal Shower or Wedding?
According to etiquette expert Emily Post, it’s perfectly fine to skip sending a gift for a bridal shower you can’t attend—just be sure to send your regrets. But if you’re invited to the wedding and can’t make it, Post’s timeless advice is clear: you should definitely send a gift.
Cash as a Wedding Gift?
Absolutely! According to etiquette expert Emily Post, cash gifts are perfectly acceptable. With many millennials tying the knot later in life, they often already have fully stocked homes and prefer cash to help with savings or that dream honeymoon. There’s no hard-and-fast rule for how much to give, but most experts agree that the typical wedding gift—whether cash or a physical item—falls between $50 and $75. So, give what feels right!
Tipping Your Wedding Officiant
Performing weddings and funerals usually fall outside a minister’s regular duties. Yes, you should pay the wedding officiant a minimum of $250, according to TheKnot.com—more if travel is involved. The same goes for presiding over a funeral, and in either case, a gift in place of cash isn’t appropriate.
Even if your pastor is officiating as part of their role, it’s still important to offer a gratuity. A minimum of $100 is suggested, with extra consideration for travel. Again, a gift in lieu of cash just doesn’t fit the occasion.
Who Keeps the Engagement Ring After a Breakup?
Etiquette (and the law in most cases) dictates that the ring belongs to the person who paid for it, regardless of who called off the engagement.
Question: Have you ever faced a situation where you felt you were expected to tip more than you thought was fair? What did you do? Let us know down in the comments.
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mary, i humbly disagree with ms post. an invitation is not an invoice and if you are not going you do not have to send a gift. it is nice to send best wishes, though. having said that, if the bride or groom is someone i love but i can’t go for reasons of health, distance or prior commitment, i will send a check. if it’s someone i barely know, i figure it’s a gift-grab and i send a card of congratulations.
Don’t shoot the messenger! That advice comes from Emily Post, the world’s most highly regarded etiquette expert. She wrote the book (literally!). Of course you should make your own decisions, and without apology.
Not about tipping but if you are invited to the bridal shower and the wedding, and the bride has sent a link to the bridal shower which includes both suggestions for cash (e.g. towards a honeymoon or a home purchase) and fairly expensive gifts, do you have to send both a wedding gift and a shower gift?
Proper etiquette says that yes, you should bring a gift to both events. However, this doesnt mean they both need to be equal. The shower gift should be smaller.
I remember working as a delivery driver working for a upscale thrift store and any tips were apreaceated sorry for the bad spelling…but anyway the tip was sometimes big and some where little but it was the thought that counted…it was a very rewarding work to do….I loved delivering furniture and working closely to those who would donate to our store…it was very rewarding…
weekly groc trip to Walmart and Petsmart (same route), I combine and pickup my orders. both had curbside pickup during covid, but have continued to do so, and its so appreciated for me, because walking thru their stores is very hard for me. So I make use of those curbside pickups. they are NOT allowed to accept tips, so I have written to their supers of their stores and the regional offices, to let them know how appreciative I am for that extra service! also I send or bake a treat for them, i.e. cookies, fruit basket/cookie basket, etc…and I always make sure I tell them how appreciative I am for their service.
I am also confused about tip jars/cups. If the person at the counter takes my money for a purchase (sunglasses for example) am I actually supposed to tip them?Is the tip jar at the convenience store different if they are handing you sandwich they made (and there are THREE people involved… one who took the sandwich order, one who made the sandwich and one who rung up the sandwich sale!)
When did tipping change from for services rendered to being expected as a right?
When they are paid below minimum wage and work hard to make their wages livable.
where to learn trading
Pizza delivery tips should be no less than $5 regardless of the size of the order. The drivers do not receive the “delivery fee” no matter what anyone says. Both of my children worked as pizza delivery drivers for large chain pizza companies as they were in college and as a full time job until they moved on to other careers. Delivery drivers have to pay for their own gas, insurance, and use their own cars (extra wear and tear). They get paid a lower wage when they are delivering (like a restaurant server) because the tips are part of their compensation. It is appalling how many people do not tip a pizza delivery driver because they think the delivery fee is for the driver. The drivers do the same service as a server in a restaurant, except they bring the food to your door, and yet while it is considered rude or cheap to tip a server less than 15%, and most expect no less than 18%, a pizza delivery driver is expected to be only tipped 10 – 15%? This is not fair, especially given the extra effort and expense a pizza delivery driver has to expend for your service. Please re-think your guideline on this Mary.
That is correct. Just at Domino’s the other day. Pizza delivery drivers DO NOT receive the delivery fee. Printed right on the box and it stated “please tip your driver”. Although WHY the company does not share the delivery fee is beyond me. Guessing so that the pizza seems that much cheaper?
Are these conditions you speak of industry-wide? I’m curious about this Delivery Fee. I’ll do some further research.
Pizza Hut does it, too.
Mary, while I appreciate and value all of your comments and suggestions, I have to disagree with you about what happens to the future bride’s engagement ring when an engagement is broken off. The ring is considered a place holder, a verbal promise of a marriage. If the bride-to-be breaks off the engagement the ring should be returned. On the other hand, if the groom-to-be initiates the breakup, the bride-to-be may have an argument to keep the ring on grounds that the groom is in breach of the verbal contract to marry. This has been the case in many court cases that I have read about.
I also agree. The bride should keep the ring.
There is no specific law and courts have ruled in myriad ways when, sadly, relationships sour and cannot be resolved amicably. So it comes down to a matter of opinion. Mine is that the person who paid for it gets it when the engagement is canceled.
This it true. Should any other gift be returned if the relationship fails? Nope. In the case of divorce, the wedding rings aren’t required to be returned. The only exception I could see would be a family heirloom. Then that would be out of respect for the family, not necessarily for the dumper.
I agree!!!
Should you tip / how much should you tip if you pick up your pizza (carry-out)? They hand you a receipt, with a tip line, and a pen even though you paid online in advance when the order was placed. Thanks in advance for the feedback!
If you pick up, there isn’t an obligation to tip. The people in the store answering phones and making the pizzas get paid a regular amount, not a server’s wage, so if you pick up your pizza no tip is required, but if you are picking up a special, very large order for a group, it might be nice to tip anyone who helps you load the pizzas to your car, but I would recommend a cash tip directly to that person. My opinion only, others may have a different opinion.
Excellent response, PJ. Good info!
what about the cafeteria set ups where someone just takes your order and you pay but they bus your table? They are technically not serving you but I can’t bus my own plate either. My husband feels that if they are not serving you no tip is required. Many quick meal hibachi type restaurants are set up like this with the tip line but no waitress comes to the table unless its to bus the tray…
We often do pick up at a great Italian restaurant and my husband picks up the food at the bar. My husband asked the bar tender who gets the tip and was told it goes to the kitchen staff so he makes sure to tip although not as much as he would tip the waiter if we were eating at the restaurant.
I’ve always been a generous tipper, mainly because early in my adult life I was a single Mom raising a young daughter on a server’s salary, tips were my life line. Now forward to present day, I have a friend who refuses to tip, she doesn’t believe in it because she says employers should pay their employees accordingly and it isn’t up to her to “pay their wages”. I am so bothered by this I have hung back and put money on the table to make up for her shortcoming. I spoke, again, to her about it and she holds fast to her belief and added that eating out is a luxury for her and she can’t afford to spend more than the meals cost, a different story from what I heard before. I said if you can’t afford to tip you can’t afford to eat out. I’m to the point of not dining out with her, is there anything else I can say to her to make her understand? She is a fine woman other than this one thing. Maybe going to a museum or movie with her is the best solution…
In the future request separate checks. Leave the tip you desire with your check. Done. Even though you are dining with this friend, you are not responsible for her choices and the way she lives her life. You cannot change another person, so I suggest you just relax and take care of yourself and enjoy her friendship.
I don’t do most of the stuff above but I do tip 15% of the entire bill even when it is free because I used a gift card from one of my survey sites. Mostly I just use coupons and get free items at Kroger all the time. I love going on senior day and getting the extra money off too.
As a wife of a former pastor, I want to say that my husband did not like being paid for doing funerals and weddings. We knew everyone well and felt like they were family. He did consider it part of his responsibilities as their pastor as well as a privilege and blessing.
It was years ago and my pastor didnt want to accept payments to, it was his first wedding. I told him to donate to the church or I did, can’t remember.
I’ve also had my funds refused for funerals. I always ask them to contribute the funds to their church or their charity of choice.
Important topic today! Any ideas about a baby’s 1st birthday celebration? I am the grandma. My daughter is the mom.
Please do not go crazy and throw a big party….the child is one and will have no recollection of it. Maybe a small party for close family, and if the child has any cousins close to age of Birthday child. Give Birthday baby a smash cake, so that you get the adorable photos of them enjoying the heck out of their little cake, and maybe a modest cake for the adults, maybe a game of simon says, if child can stand and toddle, or tape the tail to the donkey, ( no pins at that age!!! ) If you do balloons, please put high up out of reach of the little ones, I had a little cousin try to eat the balloon and it burst in her mouth. (Luckily it didn’t go down her windpipe, but sure smacked the heck out of her mouth, poor baby.) maybe drop the alphabet blocks in a wide mouth jar whichever 1yr old or toddler does the most, wins. So play cheerful music, maybe musical chairs and most important, HAVE FUN!! Save the extra money you didn’t spend for the child’s college education, they will appreciate it and can use it more then!!
i worked as a bartender. i was young, in my 20’s, and as a result, well tipped. today, i give the normal tip 20% to waitstaff, and tip other people according to the service received. people today have cups out for tips for waiting on u from behind a counter, a one-time service. i once purchased a cup of coffee from a street cart, and lo, there was the unessential tip cup. I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE TIP THESE PEOPLE.
Interesting. Did you expect a tip when people ordered a beer or a glass of wine? Don’t get me wrong, I think the tipping culture is out of control. But I do fail to see the difference in the two.