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contentment want what you have

Want What You Have: How to Find Real Contentment Now

/12 Comments/in , /by Mary Hunt

Ever feel like you’re constantly wanting something just out of reach? You’re not imagining it. The average person sees thousands of ads a day, each one nudging you to want more. I decided to count mine, and it broke me by mid-morning. Here’s what I learned about swapping that nagging dissatisfaction for real contentment, and how to actually want what you already have.

contentment want what you have

Years ago I read that the average American adult is targeted by roughly 3,500 ads a day. I remember thinking, that can’t be right. So I did what any reasonably obsessive person would do. I decided to count them myself. I figured I’d prove the number wrong. Maybe I’d hit 500. A thousand, tops. I was ready to feel smug about it.

The radio alarm went off and I hadn’t even opened my eyes before I owed the tally sheet two hash marks. By the time I got through the morning news I’d lost count of how many times I’d lost count. And I hadn’t even left the house.

Every billboard, every bumper sticker, every real estate sign, every logo on every truck that passed me on the way to the grocery store… I counted it. Good thing I wasn’t driving. The newspaper alone padded my number past anything I’d guessed. Then I flipped through a couple of magazines. Go ahead, count the ads in a magazine sometime. I’ll wait.

By the time I logged onto the internet, the count went sideways. The mail landed at ten that morning, and that’s when I put the pencil down. I couldn’t function and keep score at the same time, not on what was otherwise the most boring, ordinary day of my life.

Turns out I wasn’t wrong to be skeptical. I was wrong about the direction. Marketing researchers now put the number somewhere between 4,000 and 10,000 ads a day, depending on how you count screens, feeds, and everything in between. Nobody agrees on the exact figure, and honestly, it doesn’t matter. Whether it’s 4,000 or 10,000, the point stands: you are being sold to every single waking minute, and most of it doesn’t even register.

That’s not a conspiracy theory. That’s Monday.

I thought about that day again recently when a reader named Barbara wrote in:

Dear Mary: “How can I overcome the feeling of wanting something I just can’t have… a new house, or a car? I often feel discouraged and angry at myself, instead of feeling joy and being grateful for what I have.” Barbara

I read that and thought: girl, same. I have spent a lot of years wanting things I didn’t have and feeling vaguely cheated about it. It’s exhausting. And it’s not an accident that you feel that way. You’re swimming in a current built specifically to make you feel that way, every hour, on purpose.

The fix isn’t complicated, even if it isn’t always easy. Eight words:

Want what I have. Buy what I need.

Simple to say. Takes some practice to live. Here’s how I actually do it.

Attitude

You have complete control over one thing in all of this: what you choose to think about. Not the ads. Not the algorithm. Your thoughts.

Write down ten things you’re grateful for. Actually write them, don’t just think them. Then make a habit of returning to that list instead of the mental one where you catalog everything you don’t have.

Love your home. The one you’re actually living in, not the one in your feed. Clean it. Take care of it. Let it be the place where you’re allowed to just be you. That’s worth more than square footage.

Insulate

Gratitude isn’t just a nice feeling. It’s insulation. It puts a layer between you and the nonstop sales pitch aimed at your wallet.

Read the fine print. Ask what’s too good to be true, because it usually is. Every time you question a claim instead of swallowing it, you thicken that layer a little more.

Isolate

Know your weak spots and stay away from them. If the TV gets you spending, turn it off. If the catalog gets you dreaming, it goes straight in the trash… the smelly one, so you’re not tempted to dig it back out. If a certain store is your kryptonite, take a different route.

You are not entitled to spend money you haven’t earned yet. Nobody is. That’s not a punishment, that’s just math.

Self-Talk

Before you buy, ask yourself a few honest questions:

  • Do I actually need this?
  • Do I already own something that does the job?
  • Is this really the good deal I think it is?
  • Do I have the cash, right now, to pay for it?
  • Can this wait a few weeks?
  • Am I willing to sleep on it for 24 hours?

And you never owe anyone an apology for saying no to a purchase. If “I can’t afford it” feels embarrassing, try “I don’t choose to spend my money that way” instead. It’s true, and it puts you back in charge.

This is exactly why I built the Freedom Account… so the big, predictable expenses (insurance, gifts, car repairs) stop feeling like emergencies, and the Contingency Fund, so the truly unpredictable stuff doesn’t send you straight to a credit card. When those two things are in place, “I don’t choose to spend my money that way” isn’t a line you’re reciting. It’s just true.

Living below your means isn’t a punishment either. It’s margin. It’s the thing standing between you and the edge, and it’s how you build actual wealth instead of the appearance of it.

Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is the whole secret. It’s the quiet, steady place where you get to enjoy what’s actually yours, instead of chasing what an ad convinced you that you should want.

You’re not behind. You’re not missing out. You’re being marketed to, several thousand times a day, by people whose entire job is making you feel like you are.

Notice that. Then go enjoy your Monday.

 

Question: What’s one thing you’ve had to consciously stop wanting in order to feel content with what you already have? Let us know in the comments below.

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12 replies
  1. Mary says:

    I am most grateful for all my blessings. I just have a nagging desire to get my mortgage paid off before I die so my sons will have a place to live that they own. So, at age 72, I went back to work three days a week and I’m getting closer to my goal. When that is achieved, I can kick back and relax. Hopefully no more than another 6 months to a year with God’s help. Love you Mary Hunt! You’ve been my guru for decades!

    Reply
  2. linda says:

    i have a roof over my head, food, clothing, reasonable health for my age, my car is safe, legal and reliable. i am content.

    Reply
  3. francina fluker says:

    I keep a gratitude journal. Small pocket-sized book that contains things i am thankful for. I write in it every day, as a reminder to be appreciative of health, family, infrastructure city provides with tax funding, freedom to travel, living in America, The US Constitution, financial security, etc, etcetc…

    Reply
  4. Judy says:

    Love this article. I do this, thanks to you! I also ask myself
    If I buy this, where will I put it?
    Do I have a place to store or display this item?

    Reply
  5. Barbara says:

    Mary,
    Thank you for reposting this article. I carry your Pocket Quiz Flowchart in my handbag, as a reminder!! I believe I am the Barbara, you mention. It’s nice to be famous! ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy Holidays to you and yours, Cheers Always, Barbara

    Reply
  6. Carolyn F says:

    My father taught me about money. He said, “The thing about money is: you can only spend it once. Then it’s gone. So before you spend anything, you have to know what is the most important thing you have to pay. When you have enough money to pay for all the things you MUST pay for, only then do you have “money left over” and if you are smart you will save it for emergencies you didn’t see coming.” Sixty + years later, I’m in a very good place. Thanks Dad.

    Reply
  7. Kitti says:

    I don’t own a TV. Have satellite Internet (which means too slow to download movies, even You Tube isn’t great). Don’t subscribe to magazines or newspapers. It is very easy to ignore all the ads on EVERY website, as I have convinced myself they are all scams, anyway. Don’t listen to anything but Audible in the car (my average comute is 1.5 hrs).
    I’m good

    Reply
  8. Alyson Tanner says:

    I have a shopping addiction. It took me a long time to figure out that advertisers were not my friends. I wanted them to like me but the reality is they never would. It did not matter how much I bought the result was still the same, empty.

    Reply
  9. Lelia Pray Newlan Carlson says:

    Richard has the right idea. I record everything on the TV that I watch. Should I actually have time to sit down & watch it while it’s in real time, I merely mute all commercials and read a book or take a break, then unmute when the show returns. When I’m watching a show from the recording, I merely fat forward through the commercials. I stopped delivery of my newspaper because of the ads. I realized a long time ago that when I went through the ads from the paper or ever flyers that come through the mail, all at once I “needed” some of the things advertised. Now, if I actually need something, I write it down and I even surprise myself because when I’m ready to shop, I find that I really don’t “need” some of the things I wrote down. Works for me.

    Reply
  10. Richard says:

    Between the mute button on the TV remote and the delete button on the computer, I can ignore almost all advertising that is inflicted upon me. Anyone buying anything due to advertising is showing a lack of discretion. The last part of the title says it all, buy only what you need. You decide!

    Reply

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