Parents’ Financial Decisions and Their Adult Children

Parents of adult children may believe it’s none of their kids’ business how they handle their finances and what they do with their money.

While that may be true, never forget that every financial decision you make has the potential one day to become either a burden or a blessing for your family.

Dear Mary: One of our friends suggested that we look into a plan called “Life Estate,” which would make sure that our home goes to our children no matter what.

We own our home and have no debt, but have no long-term care insurance either. Of course, we hope to stay well until we die, but in the event we would have to go to a nursing home and our monies run out, we understand this plan would preclude the nursing home from taking our home. Your thoughts? Tom and Jackie

Dear Tom and Jackie: I am not an attorney, but I do have experience as a real estate broker. Generally, I can tell you that “life estate” is a term used to designate the way legal ownership or title is held on real property.

To do this, you would deed your property to your children, who become the “remaindermen,” while you become the “life tenants.”

As the life tenants, you retain possession of the property including full costs of maintaining the property. The life tenants cannot sell the property without the consent of the remaindermen. Further, your children would receive full ownership (fee simple) immediately upon the death of the last life tenant, without the property going through probate.

There are advantages and also a few disadvantages for you to convey your property now to a life estate that you need to fully understand before making a decision. I suggest that you meet with a qualified real estate attorney.

If you decide to deed your property to a life estate it should be as simple as completing forms and having them properly recorded in the county where the property is located.

Dear Mary: I have been reading your books, newsletters and this daily column for years. You have really helped me a lot. Thanks! I have passed along everything that I could to my parents, but evidently they haven’t read a thing.

A year ago, my brother bailed our parents out from foreclosure and they are still so far in debt they can’t see even a glimmer of light.

Now they want to come for a visit and I want to tell them not to come because I know they can’t afford it. If you ask them if they can afford it they will laugh and tell you they can’t afford anything, but that doesn’t change anything. They have nothing in savings, and spend money (credit cards) like they have all the money in the world, trying to keep up appearances.

Should I tell them that they can’t come visit until they get back on their feet again, or just let them come and continue to flounder and get more in debt than they already are? I’ve been able to put them off for a couple of months, but I don’t know how much longer I can. I feel like I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. Debbie

Dear Debbie: There is a reason I have NOT written a book, How to Manage Your Parents’ Money. That’s because you can’t control your parents or make any useful demands on them.

My advice is to back off. Call and invite them to come and visit at the earliest possible time. Do everything you can to make their visit enjoyable including not talking to them about their financial situation. Let the way you live and manage your finances speak louder than anything you can say.

Should they die broke leaving all kinds of debt, you will not be liable for any of it, provided you have not added your name to any of their accounts.

Please, just love them and allow them to have a warm and loving relationship with you despite your differences.

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